the date

he rolled up in a two-hundred-thousand-dollar car.
he got out and opened the door for me. he stared at my ass. i was wearing my miss sixties, the black ones with the zippers. he took me to a sushi bar. he talked about himself. i talked about my friend who is mad at me. he told me to order more food, but i was full. full from eating and full from talking and thinking about things in the world i can't change. i didn't know who this man was, but once, years ago, in a drunken stupor i went with him to carmen's on third and we got shit-faced and made out like we were real lovers. after it all, i said some horrible stuff to him. this is baffling. i can be a heartless pig, just like anyone. i was like that last time i saw this guy, yet his memory of me was one of fondness. he forgave me. i told him i did the same thing to another guy. he was the only other guy on the earth i did the thing to. it was bad. we finished. he paid. we went to cube on la brea. closed. we went to luna park. closed. we went to jones, which never really closes at all. at jones i used the restroom and a girl talked about how she invited too many boys to the club and did she look hot and which one would she fuck and would the rest be mad? i saw her, she was no great thing. i didn't understand her angle. then, i went back to my date, we sat on a couch next to a couple. they asked me why the coffee. i said, the story is too stupid and long. or that's what i wish i said. what i actually said, was i'm on pills and coffee gives it balance, like a speedball. then they said, ooooohhhhhhh! we were just talking about pills. what kind? what kind? what kind? i said downers mostly. that's what i like. downers. they said they were talking about ecxtacy. we all spoke like friends for awhile. my date told them he had worked and made a fortune, lost everything and was climbing back up. i told them i was from the valley. only after they admitted they were from the valley too. i'm really from l.a., but i spent time in the valley. sun valley mainly. i did drugs there in this weird house with a guy whose name i think is randy. it was like that. talking and laughing. then me and the dude left. he told me some more about what he was looking for. a best friend. he was hoping that i would call him again. come with me to the movies. i go hiking on sundays. i'm busy too, etc. i'm leaving it up to you. if you want to see me you should call me, he said. i said thank you. i was polite. i kissed him like i'd kiss my buddy. but, i hugged him like he had saved me, like he was my long lost lover, my life raft, the person who kept my from dying. because, he was. then, i got in my car and drove home.