Elliott Smith

i went to an impromptu concert once at spaceland in silverlake where elliott smith sat on a chair and had a giant red balloon floating behind him.
my friend karen called and told me about it. i was in bad shape at the time, from drinking every day and having a broken heart and still i threw myself out of the house and found parking and made it inside. he was a long time hero of mine in the music scene. he had as much impact on my life as kurt cobain or close. i credit kurt cobain to saving my life, which is another matter for another time. but, there was something about elliott smith, that touched me. like kurt, i could feel his soul when he sang. he was asking the audience for requests and i screamed st. ides heaven. he played it. even though everyone else shouting more obvious ones, it's always been my favorite song. after he played i snuck back stage---to anyone who has ever been to spaceland's backstage, it's a crappy little room. anyway, i went in there and i said, i know i shouldn't be back here and i hope i'm not ordinary, like another mediocre fan or fool thinking they can somehow communicate to you, but your music saves me and i really enjoyed your show. stupid as i was, i gave him a cd i had done and i apologized for it. i said, i'm sorry to do this to you, i can't believe i'm falling into the cliche of the girl backstage giving you my cd, but it is all i have to give you. he was polite, sad, high and nervous. i said, thank you for not being mean to me and i left. i saw elliott one other time, in front of Urth cafe on melrose right near the bodhi tree. i smiled and he gave me a look, it was the saddest look i have ever seen. i was walking with my friend jimmy atherton, who died very shorty after that of too many drugs and a sick liver and i said, that man is one of my heros. he asked me who he was and right then, i swear to god i looked at the ground and i saw a pill, it was a vicodin. i was trying to be sober at the time, but i remember wanting to pick it up so badly. i looked at my friends, none of them saw the pill and i kept wondering, didn't you just see that on the ground? elliott smith was there, vicodin was there, the now deceased jimmy atherton was there and a bunch of other people that i can't remember. i can't see their eyes. i don't know who they were or if they are still alive.